


Dream Lover

by Anonymous



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Dreams, Fluff, I Wrote This While Listening to Hozier's Music, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, M/M, Misdirected anger, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pandemics, and ill take that to the grave, because the coronavirus is mentioned, carsons an idiot in love, i dont plan on making this sad at all in any way, just a very small amount tho, kinda a bit, kisses!!! yes!!!!!!!, schlatt overuses nicknames
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-07-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24555403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Carson has a series of dreams involving one of his closest friends which makes him question a lot.[full title: "I Want A Dream Lover (So I Don't Have To Dream Alone)"]
Relationships: Jschlatt/Carson King
Comments: 41
Kudos: 142
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> lowercase intended! and while i write in 3rd person that just means that was and is are not used interchangeably though it might feel like that, you don't need to pay a whole bunch of attention to them or anything all I'm saying is that they are there for a reason! thought came from (at the time, this took forever) carson sharing his dreams all the time on twitter and by this took forever I mean I'm 3 chapters in already and was going to post them all at once but decided against it now

he opened his eyes. he briefly remembered lying down and closing his eyes beforehand. his first thought was that he had woken up and just didn't have a dream that night or, perhaps, had already forgotten it upon waking. then, however, he noticed this wasn't his bed. or at least not the one he fell asleep in originally. then, almost as an afterthought, he noticed there were arms around his waist and legs tangled into his own; as if they had always been there and maybe they had.

he began to stir, though trying not to wake the other if possible and just  _ run _ … but the others arms just tightened. this had to be a dream.

"carson?"

_ shit. _ what does he say? and why does it kind of sound like they have a brooklyn accent? the part that they had a raspy and deep voice - typically owned by men - didn't phase carson one bit - he was very comfortable with himself - it was the fact he  _ knew _ that voice.

"schlatt?"

"hm?"

the other responded in a way that practically confirmed what carson had thought. this is a dream.  _ it has to be _ . carson then decided that there's no fault to see where this goes. in-fact, with everything going on (kate, a global pandemic), perhaps he should be indulging in it. he moves further into schlatt’s arms at the realization.

"you okay, love? you woke with a start."

that sounded like schlatt, but he didn't typically speak so elegantly aside from a few times. he assumed it was the dream. he wondered if this were to happen in real life if schlatt would speak the same. opening his eyes he saw that it was so classic. 

it was early morning, no later than 10 am, no earlier than 6 am, he could tell by the lines of light cascading in through the curtains and filling the room with a soft glow. the duvet and sheets were white, making everything look so incredibly pure and beautiful, carson could nearly shed a tear at just the aesthetic of everything and the feel of being engulfed in someone once more. the rest of the room was so basic and plain - beige walls and all - it was almost as if it was trying to play down everything going on; as if it were a normal everyday occurrence and maybe in the dream it was.

then, looking at schlatt, he was strangely beautiful. carson was comfortable with who he was, he was straight but he knew schlatt - and a lot of his friends for that matter - were quite attractive, but he had never seen the other like this; and he is  _ gorgeous _ .

his hair is going in every direction and his eyes are squinting back at carson due to the light and sleep, but the look in his eyes is pure bliss and  _ love, _ and he is  _ gorgeous _ .

he must have noticed how carson was looking at him then, - perhaps in utter disbelief which could be taken as luckiness - as he smiled, making his eyes crinkle. then, he was leaning in across the small space still left between the two with all of their limbs tangled in a strangely beautiful mess - despite bordering on uncomfortable (though neither minded, they were too preoccupied anyway) -  _ and he was kissing carson. _

schlatt was smiling too much and too wide for it to really be a kiss and carson couldn't even remember if he kissed back, but upon schlatt pulling away, he looked to carson as if he had hung the moon - just for him - and would die for him. and perhaps he would - even in the real world. he doesn't let many people know, but he is a genuinely sweet guy who would do anything for those he cared about.  _ huh.  _

then schlatt was speaking once more.

"i am completely and utterly in love with you, carson king."

then, lips were back on his and carson was being kissed once more.

carson couldn't remember the last time he felt like this, let alone even slept in the same room with someone. he forgot how good it felt to just feel  _ loved _ . of course he had an audience so he felt "loved" every day, but not _ like this _ . he made sure to kiss back this time, just in case he didn't the last time.

eventually, schlatt pulled away once more and carson was surprised to see him attempting to follow the other’s lips which made the other giggle.

it wasn't often schlatt giggled.  _ he felt special. _

“got any plans? you're being awfully quiet this morning, dear.”

carson shook his head softly before replying.

“sorry, and no. if it's cool with you maybe we can just stay here today?”

he didn't know if dream him had plans but if he did he didn't now. even dream him wouldn't miss this.

he felt a bit awkward asking but he assumed in this dream he and schlatt had been together for forever and it was a dream anyways, so he tried to not let it get to him too much. he wanted to see how this would play out, to bask in it just a moment longer until he was eventually ripped from sleep.

“of course. i would want nothing more, darling.” 

carson blushed (who knew schlatt would be so big on nicknames? or, rather, that carson's brain would think that schlatt would be so big on nicknames?) and put every logical thought to the back of his mind - because fuck it right? it's a dream where they've kissed hundreds or thousands of times before he assumed from schlatt just openly kissing him, there's no reason he couldn't now, right? he leaned forward and, for the first time with him insinuating the kiss, kissed schlatt, his eyes closing and him exhaling on impact as he savored everything that was happening.

his lips were surprisingly soft, carson realized as schlatt smiled into the kiss, though everything else was so incredibly him (a taste of old weed and soda) that carson felt his eyes begin to water. if he had this in real life he would never take this for granted, he would be so affectionate at any moment he could to not waste this a second - like he is in this very moment - unlike how he used to be; too scared and shy to insinuate anything. 

he tried to tell himself that it could be anything - could have been  _ anyone _ , that he just wanted to feel wanted again. that schlatt just so happened to be who his brain picked for the night probably for some scientific reason like carson feeling dependent on him due to him spending so much time with the other because of schlatt helping him with depression and get over kate. __

_ he helped him  _ _ get over _ _ kate. _

carson felt schlatt’s right hand come up to hold his left cheek as the other deepened the kiss, bringing carson out of his gay crisis, and he fucking  _ melted _ . he was so utterly in love in this moment, no matter who it was he was kissing, he nearly forgot this was a dream; that he didn't have this in real life. that when he woke up he wouldn't actually have schlatt to his right - or anyone for that matter.  _ not anymore _ . that at any moment this could be taken away from him in an instant.

slowly everything began to fade to black, though they both had their eyes closed and barely noticed that their time was slowly coming to an end. carson didn't think either of them would have cared in that moment, however, anyways. they were so engulfed in each other - one almost - that they probably wouldn't have noticed or knew what that meant for them. but carson did. he knew what it meant. and by the time he noticed, he could do nothing but kiss schlatt more until he couldn't, for this could be his last time to ever do it again, even if in a dream he was sure to forget.

* * *

suddenly he woke, lips still tingling from the dream.

he realized he didn't actually want to wake up, but he did. he didn't move one bit, the only thing to signify his waking being his eyes slowly sliding open. he wondered if this would make his friendship weird now.

he began to think back on the dream, the dream already slowly slipping from his mind like… he didn't know, really, except for a few main parts, though the feeling remained;  _ love _ .

one thing that stood out to carson the most was how simple and natural everything was - as if they'd been together since the dawn of time - which somehow made everything bigger and more important.

he wondered if - just hypothetically of course - he were to ask schlatt out and he felt the same ( _ the same? _ ), after a few months or so would it be exactly like in his dream? god, what was he thinking? sighing, he forced himself out of bed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't plan on adding smut for obvious reasons but if I decide to it will be short and very tasteful and barely even there


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the second chapter in the same day because of the smplive reunion:))

once completing his morning routine, he looked at his phone. not much happening on twitter or on anything else really, and it was already 12 pm - nearing 1. and so he decided to call up schlatt. specifically facetime. maybe he'd feel completely different upon seeing him and not at all attracted to the other and he could forget all about this whole ordeal but - who knows? maybe he had just ignored a brewing crush on the other and just hadn't noticed, that wouldn't be impossible and carson knew it, his sexuality had never been a 100% thing and he was okay with that. schlatt picked up on the second ring.

sadly what he was hoping to feel was not the case. 

when schlatt picked up, his face finally appearing after a bit of waiting, he was still in bed. his hair was all over the place (almost like in what he could remember from his fleeting dream) from sleep and despite his blankets being over him, carson could tell schlatt was shirtless.

“what do you want?”

carson found himself speechless for a minute. even if he wanted to say anything, it would come out hoarse, his voice suddenly dry. he even felt a slight bit of arousal starting in the bottom of his stomach, though he'd never tell anyone that.

“dude? you're fuckin’ pink!”

“what?” schlatt giggled. if he was already pink, he was sure to only get pinker at the noise.

“well, if you're gonna get all flustered and tongue-tied on me, imma go back to bed-”

“wait!” the word was out of carsons mouth before he could even think of it. it clearly caught schlatt off guard as well, but he didn't say anything.

“uh… did i wake you up?”  
he attempted to talk to him as usual - they were friends after all and he's had crushes on friends before and hid them well enough, the only thing being different this time was the fact that schlatt is a boy. that doesn't really change all that much… right? he should be able to do this.

“kinda. i woke up a bit before but i was going to just go back to bed.” he laughed.

carson smiled. he'd always considered schlatt one of his best friends and it was always so nice to talk to him, crush or not.

carson began to apologize and tell him he could go back to bed, but schlatt said it was fine, that he was “awake now anyways” and then carson got a - probably bad - idea given his newfound crush. or maybe it isn't new and he's just now realizing it.

schlatt had taken a trip to california not long before the pandemic and therefore was trapped near carson. the state was still on lockdown (while nearing the end) but schlatt and he had stayed inside since before the lockdown had even been mandatory and carson got an idea. 

“hey, so, i was thinkin’ it would just be you and me and we've been quarantining so it wouldn't be bad if you… came over, right? so maybe if you wanna maybe you could come over?”

schlatt giggled at the request and if carson had stopped blushing since they started talking then he definitely was once more. he smiled.

“carson king! are you hitting on me?”

it was obviously a joke, and one schlatt has made often, therefore not out of the ordinary, but since this morning’s  _ realizations _ , it made carson blush and probably look like he just shit himself.

thankfully, however, schlatt started talking once more before carson could stutter out a response that would probably just be something along the lines of “fuck you” or “shut up”.

“yeah, i’d love to man! i'll see you in half an hour!”

and with that schlatt hung up. he wondered if they were to date how it would be to hear “i love ya” in a brooklyn accent at the end of every call instead of abrupt leaving or a normal “bye”. for i love you to be said with reckless abandon, as if it was nothing, which makes it weirdly something.

and with that, carson took the hour before schlatt got there to just think about what-ifs like the previously mentioned. 

eventually, schlatt arrived. carson opened the door to the knocking and was instantly enveloped in a hug. this was typical for schlatt, he could be quite touchy at times, and with the pandemic, even people who hated hugs could become touchy carson supposed.

“hey buddy!” 

carson smiled at the other. he really didn't know why he thought this was a good idea. they could normally talk for hours on end but now suddenly carson couldn't think of one damn thing to talk about.

he began to wish he just went back to sleep as soon as he woke, to catch the rest of that dream before it completely left him and perhaps if comas had constant and consistent dreams, perhaps carson would willingly put himself in a coma just to live out that dream as his new life. schlatt began talking before he could entertain that thought any longer.

“so, uh, didja have any specific reason for wantin’ me ova?”

carson smiled. he hadn't heard that accent so clearly in so long, he felt as though he could kiss the other, perhaps see how it actually is to kiss him. maybe he could just blame it on quarantine.

“ah, not really,” he giggled, “just kinda lonely, ya know?”

he nodded in understanding.

“my best friends lonely, well do i got da cure for you, my friend!”

schlatt’s accent wasn't usually so prominent most times in real life (although it definitely could be, he isn't faking it, he just puts it on more during recordings) so carson didn't really know why he was putting it on more and being so much more friendly already. then it hit him. schlatt probably thought it was to do with kate. wanted carson to know that he's there for him and that he cares. wanted to try and cheer him up.

no matter the reason, carson got the message and was appreciative nonetheless.

“whatcha got in mind?” schlatt had a weird look on his face, like he didn't really know what to do either;  _ like he was nervous too. _

“well, what if we jus’, i don't know, had a classic sleepover? that could be fun, right?”

carson froze. schlatt probably realized his want for there to be just another person to be existing in his house once more. he had always had someone living with him whether it be his parents, cooper, or kate. but recently he was alone for reasons that weren’t at all his fault. but he had been waiting to go to bed again tonight in hopes to have another dream about schlatt (never thought he'd think that in the romantic sense) or perhaps finish the one he had this morning. to be dreaming about schlatt while he was actually right beside him… it could be risky.

but what's life without risk? 

“yeah, sounds fun.” he answered finally.

schlatt smiled which forced carson to smile back, but he didn't mind. he would do it anyway. schlatt was talking again.

“do you have any popcorn?”

* * *

schlatt and he had finish a whole season of whatever (carson wasn't really paying attention, more focused on how schlatt looked in the dark with only the television light to illuminate him) and finished two whole things of microwavable popcorn and finally at about 12 - nearly 1 - am, they went to carsons room for bed.

they had shared a bed before so it shouldn't have been weird, but after carson's dream, everything with schlatt seemed to be weird… but not in a necessarily bad way. carson liked the way his stomach filled with warmth every time schlatt even looked at him or how his whole body would heat up every time they even brushed hands. he hadn't felt like that in what felt like years.

when schlatt had came out to carson about a year ago, of course, carson didn't care. he appreciated someone having so much trust in him to tell him something so personal that he really didn't have any right to know in the first place. he felt special. he rarely ever felt like that. nowadays he gets that all the time, but he never actually feels it. his success came mainly from luck,  _ despite what schlatt believes _ . though he supposed getting relatively big on youtube when he's from Indiana was pretty amazing. 

he was pulled out of his thoughts, instantly forgetting where his thoughts were going as he felt the bed dip to the  _ right _ of him. schlatt had finished his nighttime routine and fell into bed beside carson.

he looked to his right, turning in bed slightly to on his side. he was surprised to see they were _so fucking close_. if either one of them we're to move in _just a bit more,_ they would be kissing. if schlatt saw carson's eyes flick down to his lips for just a second, he didn't say anything. he did seem to smile, however, making carson blush and look away for a bit.

“sweet dreams, _darling_.”

and with, that he turned on his side to leave carson there, flushed and mouth agape (and honestly kinda turned on). sure it was probably a joke but… what if it wasn't? what if this was schlatt’s way of  _ telling _ him ( _ telling him what) _ ? maybe carson's dream was right and schlatt  _ is _ a nickname user. god, he hoped it was right, he’d give anything to hear those be referred to him, in a  _ serious _ way. he turned his back to schlatt in hopes to actually get some sleep (if only to dream about the man next to him).

after what felt like forever of just listening to the others breathing, carson  _ finally _ fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

when he “woke” in his dream that night, he got as he hoped.

not long after he got into the dream, schlatt was dragging him out of their  _ shared house,  _ saying something along the lines of it being the first nice day outside in what felt like forever and that they  _ had  _ to take advantage of it. and so they did. carson was becoming increasingly convinced that he would follow schlatt  _ anywhere _ . even outside of his series of dreams, and perhaps he would anyways even if he never had these dreams.

once out the door, carson noticed schlatt went out of his way to avoid  _ their  _ car and instead just kept walking, his hand still in carsons even after getting out of the house as if it belonged there, their fingers intertwined as if it were an everyday occurrence. 

“do you actually have a plan for today?”

schlatt looked at him like he was crazy.

“of course i do, darling. who do you take me for?”

there was the stupid nickname his brain liked so much. he felt his face instantly flush at it but decided to just keep quiet and let schlatt tug him around. It really was a nice day. he was glad he got to share it with schlatt. after about an hour of walking in the hot california sun, carson piped up once more.

“schlatt, it's like 100 degrees out, what’s the plan?”

as he said that, they began to pass a quite big group of people and carson’s sweaty hand nearly slipped from schlatt’s due not to sweat or even really embarrassment just… it felt wrong. but before it could leave the others, schlatt gave him a concerned and confused look before gripping carson’s hand tighter.

“ya okay, babe?”

it was california and carson had always been comfortable with his sexuality, even as a kid he’d always kiss his friends no matter their gender, so what was going on now? he gulped, finally, pulling his sweaty hand from schlatt’s, but only to wipe it on his shirt at seeing the others sad face.

“hand was sweaty is all.” he murmured, placing his hand back in schlatt’s noticing his sigh of relief.

carson couldn't imagine how it could feel to see someone you loved be - what carson assumed it seemed like - embarrassed to be in public with you. the group passed and they kept walking, once more hand in hand.

“now, tha plan, what if we go to the park? i know one that's basically abandoned.”

because, of course, only schlatt would know where abandoned parks are in places he didn't even live. but then carson realized that they had left their  _ shared house, _ so, didn't he? dreams had always confused carson. like how small things meant things sometimes and other times didn't and how you could know things without knowing them.  _ retrocognition:  _ knowledge of past events that could not have been learned or inferred by conventional means.

they started to come across a bench then and carsons tired gamer legs we're, well, tired.

“can we sit for a bit? i'm a bit tired.”

“sure hun, anything for you.” he smiled at carson, though it was almost more in the eyes.

they sat and as carson closed his eyes to recover, he felt eyes on him. he opened one eye to peek at schlatt to his right, he looked barely tired, all those wii videos must actually be useful.

“what’s up?”

“you're cute.”

carson nearly choked on his saliva then, how could he just say things like that in public? his brain filled it in for him, because they’re a  _ normal couple _ , and in this dream, a  _ couple _ . his thoughts were cut off by lips. specifically schlatt’s, on his own, like it's happened for years and will continue to happen for years.

carson was already having breathing problems due to the sudden exercise but this completely knocked the breath out of him. despite that, he, of course, kissed back. he heard other’s voices, signifying other people we're in their vicinity, but he didn't care. he kept kissing schlatt like his life depended on it and maybe it did. he had read somewhere that you could literally die from a broken heart and if that didn't describe humans perfectly, he didn't know what did.

soon the voices quieted to nothing and schlatt’s lips were barely recognizable till not at all.

  
  


carson woke with an audible groan this time. he was getting real tired of waking up when it was getting good.

he felt schlatt stir to the right of him, signifying his slow wakening, making him freeze as not to wake him if not already. then, carson realized how warm his right side was. Looking to his right, moving as little as possible, he saw schlatt, a soft smile coming up to his own lips instantly for no real reason.

schlatt was curled up in to carsons side just slightly, their hands so close they were practically holding them. the sudden intrusive thought that carson would like to actually hold the other’s hand and wake up next to him every day, perhaps closer than they we're now, was not mourned on nor pushed away as usual instead it was almost accepted.  _ the new normal _ . or, at least that's what he wanted.

but then schlatt began to start stretching. and carson was moving away.

“mornin’.” he rasped out, stretching a bit more.

“morning.”

then, schlatt got up. the warmth instantly leaving him as the other moved, but he could still just barely feel what if had felt like. and he clung to it; that warmth. he would do anything to feel it again, so he made a note to look for it until he found it once more, but he knew somewhere deep down that he was sure schlatt was the only person who could produce that heat.

he looked to the other, still by the end of _ their side of the bed,  _ accidentally making eye contact with him ( _ his eyes we're scared but loving and willing in a way _ ) and in that moment, carson decided he did want waking up to schlatt to be a normal, everyday occurrence. he wanted kissing and knowing every crevice of schlatt’s body to be almost as if an afterthought. he wanted everything to do with schlatt and him to be intertwined til the day when neither can even remember when they were apart. he wanted everything to be so natural and normal and  _ small _ to make it somehow bigger; that he - carson king - was so lucky to get  _ the _ schlatt and get to wake up tangled in all 6'3' of him  _ as if it were nothing _ . which makes it something.

he stretched before getting out of bed with this newfound information influencing himself. he wasn't going to let this go, he wasn't going to be passive anymore. hadn’t schlatt been the one to tell him that you can't wait for things to happen to you and you had to make them happen? well, he was going to start using that wisdom. he wasn't going to let schlatt get away from him just because he was scared. if he was going to get hurt, he was going to get hurt - whatever - but schlatt had also told him that it's better to have loved and to lost than not to have loved to all. and he was pretty sure that schlatt had stolen both of those quotes and he was kinda concerned to see that only made himself more fond of the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like some of my writing in this one gets a bit confusing or something so I'm sorry if so but idk I might just be overthinking it anyways FUCKKKKK CARSON CALLED SCHLATTS EYES PRETTY AHHHHH


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theres some russian in this chapter but Do Not translate it i do that not long after youd only be spoiling it for yourself>:(

walking into the living room after completing his morning routine, he was surprised to see schlatt on his couch already eating breakfast, which for today was apparently going to be cereal. 

once getting a bowl of his own, he joined the other on the other side of the couch. avatar was playing and despite carson not being too interested in it he didn't move for the remote, part due to laziness and part because schlatt seemed to be a bit into it. looking over to him a bit later, however, he saw schlatt’s eyes we're on him rather than the tv. this had to be _something_ \- carson knew schlatt and how he was - it _had_ to. his next move had to be calculated.

“uh, what’s up?”

_shit._ he hoped it was somehow endearing in some way at least a little. that appeared to be at least a bit true (somehow) as carson noticed a small smile began to appear on the others lips and soon they were just smiling at each other like idiots.

“nothin’...” then, almost as if an afterthought and under his breath, “я люблю вас.” with the faint thought that what is said out loud cannot be undone, even if the other person doesn’t know a lick of russian.

“what?”

“nothin’.” he said once more, with a nervous giggle.

carson begins to notice how the others hands were trembling and would spasm at seemingly random, making his bowl unsteady. he pretends he doesn’t notice. 

“i have to go to the bathroom.” he says quickly, already leaving before he can finish the sentence, this had to be something, schlatt doesn’t usually have a panic attack after speaking russian.

locking the door to the bathroom behind him, he called up josh. he was his best friend, if anyone could help, it would be him.

“what’s up?”

how the fuck does he say this? Does anyone know the best way to put this? last-minute he decides to be blunt about it, it _was_ josh after all.

“uh, i think i have a crush on schlatt and i think he might like me back, he said something in russian and i could tell it started to freak him out and i don't know what to do-”

he was rambling. thankfully, however, before he could continue to go on, josh cut him off.

“okay, carson, shut up. what’s going on exactly?”

slower this time, carson explained everything as best as he could. he made sure to not leave anything out important: the dreams, the looks, the russian, schlatt helping him get over kate in many different ways, _everything_.

“okay… well, first off let me start by saying i love you and support you both no matter what, you know this and, secondly, from what i’ve seen compiled with what you told me i’d say schlatt definitely likes you! go get your man!”

carson giggled. he wasn't dumb, he thought there could definitely be a chance schlatt liked him back (though his insecurities tried to tell him otherwise because there’s no way someone like schlatt could like carson back-) and not only just because schlatt was gay. that didn't make him less nervous to do anything about it, however.

“thanks, josh, i think i'm gonna give it a bit still but, thank you so much you're the best friend i could ever have.”

“i know.”

and with that, the other hung up. once flushing the toilet and waiting for a second to pretend like he was actually doing something, he walked back to the living room, flopping down onto the couch once more.

“so, uh, how long do you plan on stayin’?”

schlatt chucked, “i guess however long you’ll keep me, don't got too much goin’ on so…”

he didn't need to keep talking, carson knew.

“yeah, well… you know you're always welcome here.”

they looked at each other once more, the tv nearly forgotten for a split second as they looked at each other; time standing still for a split second, just them. but then the spell was broken like glass. and schlatt was turning away and clearing his throat. but carson couldn't look away even if he wanted. he noticed things he hadn’t really gotten the chance to notice before. like how long the others eyelashes were and how his nose was (he didn't have a way to describe it, at a loss at how just someone’s _nose_ could be so cute). but when schlatt noticed and looked back he looked almost… _angry_?

“okay, what the fucks up with ya!?”

that certainly wasn't expected, schlatt rarely ever got mad at carson if it wasn't a bit. carson could feel tears start to well in his eyes at just the other raising their voice at him, it wasn't a nice new.

“i- what do you mean?”

schlatt put his bowl on the coffee table in front of them, choosing instead to hold his head in his hands.

“why do you keep looking at me like that?”

schlatt looked back at him. his eyes and voice we're softer now, like he didn't even mean to raise his voice in the first place and maybe he didn't. carson didn't know how to respond so instead he chose to stay quiet. he could practically imagine the text in the top of his vision reading “schlatt will remember this”.

“carson… you're my best friend, okay? and i’ve seriously never loved another human soul more in my life, yeah?”

it struck a chord with carson how everything schlatt was saying was a question, like he wasn't sure of anything.

“do you know what “я люблю вас” means?” carson shook his head “no” (god, he did want the other to speak russian more).

“it- uh- _fuck_.” schlatt couldn't meet his eyes anymore. “it, uh, means i love you.”

carson was almost glad the other had to turn to speak so that they couldn't see how badly he was blushing at that. he nearly spoke but schlatt beat him to it.

“do you remember about a year ago? you were the first person i ever told…” he didn't say it but they both knew. “i knew nothing bad would happen because i know you but i was still freakin’ out… because i really liked you, carson… and i still do.”

at that schlatt looked back at carson and they both knew this was a long time coming, perhaps longer than either of them cared to admit. his eyes were watery and his hands were shaking but he chucked as if nothing was happening. carson nearly just kissed him then and there. but before he could do anything schlatt was back to rambling. he should really learn when to cut off insecure rambling as josh does for him. 

“but you're straight and i get that, that's okay i'm fine with that, but you can't do shit like this carson! you can't look at me like that and offer to sleep in the same bed just because you miss someone to warm up the right side- just because you miss _her.”_

he said “her” with such poison, carson could _taste it_ and nearly took damage, and _finally_ \- before schlatt could continue stating what was wrong as if it was fact - carson cut him off.

“hey, i'm over her. i’ve _been_ over her. because of _you_.”

he scooted over closer to the other on the couch, putting his forgotten bowl next to the others finally, and - though hesitantly - put his hand over schlatt’s where it was on his knee.

“i did like her but… i don't want just anyone to fill the empty spot in my bed.”

carson looked up from their hands, meeting schlatt’s eyes just as he blinks, a singular tear rolling down his left cheek because of it. carson rarely got such vulnerability out of the other (even if in such a restrained quality as a single tear), he just wished it was on better terms.

he told schlatt about the dreams then. how he had probably actually liked the other for a long, long, time and just hadn’t realized it; how he really wanted him, not just _anyone_. carson had barely registered that due to his naturally shy nature, his gaze had floated downwards, only noticing once he had finished spewing and felt schlatt’s other hand come up to cup his cheek. he nearly actually had to pinch himself because this couldn't be real… but it was. schlatt leaned in and was finally kissing him in real life. he felt as though he could combust from joy as he smiled into the kiss, feeling schlatt do the same shortly after.

* * *

that night carson got to fall asleep in schlatt’s arms, excited for the morning for the first time in what felt like eons to see his literal dreams come true.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was either end it here or continue it on over months of pinning in my head and i didnt think i could keep my interest for so long so sorry if this seems a bit rushed, halfassed etc:(( i think i might do a epilogue tho with perhaps one last dream to have one chapter where theyre together that was the orignial plan but idk! thank you for the nice comments etc throughout this project btw!! was totally expecting death threats dkdjdk

**Author's Note:**

> i don't plan on adding smut for obvious reasons but if I decide to it will be short and very tasteful and barely even there


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